Day 154. Today I went to the Civic Center with my brand new pool pass to see how hard it was and to see how many 25 yard laps I could swim of a 250 yard swim for the Mini Tri I registered for on August 7th. The anxiety was overwhelming as soon as I walked up to the pool. I’ve brought my kids here, but I have never tried to swim laps here, nor do I ever remember being in the water here. I am not a swimmer, I have a fear of water, of drowning.

The thing about being a runner, at any time, should I feel distressed or unable to continue on I can stop in my tracks. Stop, stand still or walk and assess the situation. You can’t stop in water, you can tred it, but if you are exhausted this still consumes much energy. I’m not sure why I thought I could do this. I had to tred water on the first lap, only half way across the pool. When I finally made it to the edge I was breathing harder than I do when I run, and scared as hell, but knew I had to swim back. I made it half way before I had to tred again and hated to think about the young man, the Life guard was going to have to come and save me. This is the most scared I have ever been, but I know much of it was the simple anxiety of being so far away from any pool edge. This is the first time I really believe I have bitten off more than I can ever chew through.

As the 6th month of my doing one new thing every day gets under way, today is a day like none of the rest. The first day I have been scared out of my mind.

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About jlturtlerunner

12 plus Years Surviving Stage IV Oral Cancer. I have become a "Turtle" runner since that diagnosis, as a way of saying, "Take That Sucker!" After 12 years of being a Turtle Runner, I'm adding a new title, Turtle Rucker!

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