Today I watched my last child complete his Confirmation instruction and affirm his Baptism. There were some emotional moments for me thinking of the emptiness beside me of where my Mother should have been sitting to witness this day. She died in 2011. About the time I got my tears under control the Bell Choir began playing and the tears escaped once more. My Mother loved playing in the Bell Choir. She would have been beaming today. She would have been so incredibly proud of her grandson and the man he works to become. I truly missed my Mom today. She should have been here for this, for him, my last born child.004

This 13 year old and I have had our ups and downs over the years, my mother and I had our ups and downs over the years, what parent and child hasn’t had their ups and downs. We do not live in a perfect world. Parents and children will always have their ups and downs. Many times I have wondered what mine and this last child’s relationship would have been like if cancer had not dropped kick us when he was 2 years old, with my mother’s diagnosis first, followed just a few short weeks later by my own. This young man knows what death looks like, but he also knows that life can be joyful.

Today was a joyful day tinted with a little sorrow for his accomplishments and knowing he doesn’t always need his mother at his side these days as he moves along his journey to adulthood. I am proud of him, but at times I miss the little boy he used to be and I miss my mother who loved the little boy he used to be. My sorrow is deep that she is not here to see him at this very moment.  She would have hugged him hard and smiled deep and I would have basked in the joy of watching my mother and my youngest son on this very day of new journeys.

 

Advertisements

About jlturtlerunner

12 plus Years Surviving Stage IV Oral Cancer. I have become a "Turtle" runner since that diagnosis, as a way of saying, "Take That Sucker!" After 12 years of being a Turtle Runner, I'm adding a new title, Turtle Rucker!

Comments are closed.