Day 80: New thing for today, letting the 13 year old go on his very first plane ride without me. Hard call for this Mama, letting her children have adventures without her. I am a Worrier, sorta like a Warrior, only different. I know he will have a wonderful time, while I sit here and do my Worrier routine till he arrives safely home.

No pictures. I didn’t want to do anything to embarrass my youngest son. We parents stood on one side of the hallway, while our children stood on the other wall, some ignoring their parents, others smiling in excitement and chattering to their parents. One of the teachers gave the call for the parents to kiss and/or hug their children goodbye and in so many words, “hit the road. we are in charge of your child now”. I glanced at my son who was gently shaking his head, “nooooooo Mom, don’t do it!” My feet stayed firmly planted, not just because of the head shake, but I was so afraid at this vulnerable place I have found myself to be for the last few years I might burst into tears. The last of my babies so close to being grown up and yet every day I fear for my children. The apron strings must be cut and this last child. I know it is the healthy place to be, but I can’t help but wonder, “where did all this time go?”

This torment only lasted about 30 seconds as I saw my 13 year old take the 3 steps across the forbidden invisible barrier of the hallway and put his arms around me to say goodbye. I told him to have a good time and walked away and out the door. I walked to the car, got in, shut the door and gave my eyes the permission they needed to get wet.

He will return home Tuesday evening, just a few days, but my thoughts will never be far from thinking, “what is he doing right now” the same thoughts I have all the time for my first born daughter and my #1 son. They cut those apron strings a long time ago, but I still hold the thread of always and forever being a mama, worrying about her chicks.


About jlturtlerunner

12 plus Years Surviving Stage IV Oral Cancer. I have become a "Turtle" runner since that diagnosis, as a way of saying, "Take That Sucker!" After 12 years of being a Turtle Runner, I'm adding a new title, Turtle Rucker!

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