For the last few days I’ve kind of been cooped up at home. I had a small procedure that ended up being not so small and well as much as I hate taking naps, I took a lot of naps. I rested. There was nothing much else I could do, well except for the pain and vomiting, I rested. This is something that is very difficult for me to do. I have a dear friend I refer to as Aunt Jo, who has mentioned over and over again, how the grass isn’t going to grow over my feet, or something close to that. I like to think I’m not a sitter, I am a doer. I am always wondering what is out there past my own back yard. I go looking for beauty. Thing is beauty is all around me right here in my own back yard, front yard and yeah even the neighbors yard.
Sometimes I think we look too far ahead. We don’t concentrate on the here and now, this moment. I always want to know what’s down the road, in the next minute, so I work hard to stay in the moment and I often fail at those attempts, but these last few days I don’t want to know what’s down the road in the next minute. I’ve had a biopsy and Doc says I won’t get the results for a week. While I may let that news get to me a little bit, it’s not consuming me. If it’s bad news I’ll hear it when I hear it. I’ve had enough bad news to be an expert at hearing bad news. Right now I just want to be, in this moment. I can’t change those “possible words”, no more than I could change them the first time I heard them. The bad news will come and I’ll do what I have to do, then, but for now I’m here and I’m looking at the beauty in my own back yard instead of what’s down the road in the next minute.
I’ve climbed the fence and sat my butt on the top slat and watched the sun set. It never ceases to amaze me how much it changes as the minutes tick by, just being, just sitting still. I climbed over that fence and got up close with the flowering tree in the field and gazed at it’s wonderfully beautiful little white flowers and breathed in their sweet light scent and the sun setting behind it made me see I didn’t have to go to Hawaii to see beauty, it was here in front of me. I stood and just was, staying in this minute, not the next. I climbed back over the fence and gazed at my own lovely pink flowering tree and thought to myself, Ahhh pink, I look HOT in pink. If I should die before I wake, bury me in pink.
Today I painted my back yard bench purple and an old pot next to it lavender and planted some maroon and pink roses in it. I don’t care if it doesn’t go together. I like it. It’s my moment. My favorite color is purple, but I do look HOT in pink.
So these are my moments. I stand in awe of the beauty that lies under my feet and in my own back yard and in this moment. The grass won’t grow over my feet, but for today there are no worries, because I am here in my own back yard and not in the next minute.