Originally posted at Blogger in October of 2011 – Since originally posting this I am happy to report my instruction did like this paper and in May I received my LTA certification.

As part of my internship at Jr. College, I am required, whether I like it or not to submit a “Reflection Paper” on my Career Goals. This is what I plan to submit, I’m not sure the instructor like my idea of goals.

In other eyes I know they think it is wrong, even crazy for me not to have career goals. They find it hard to believe I do not want to “get anywhere”, to climb the ladder of success, to desire something better, something with more pay, less work, more money. I suppose somewhere in my old past there were positions I wished I were in, but not many and not anymore. Maybe that will change, but I do not believe that to be true. I am not sorry for where my desires lay, nor will I ever again care that I did not obtain something more. What I got was cancer. I almost died. I may still die short of a “ripe old age”. There are no guarantees, for me or anyone else.

What is important to me is time, time to “stop and smell the roses”. Well maybe not the roses, but to soak in life, to sit in the sun and close my eyes and not care about where I have to be next, just happy that I have 5 minutes more of LIFE, with my children, being here for them is especially important. I want my youngest, who is still just a child to remember me, to know that we had fun, and laughed and had joy at living LIFE. I do not want him to remember the cross words because he is moving to slow for me to get to work on time. I do not want to be locked to a desk in a building all day doing something for someone I really do not know and not doing something fun with my kids or others that I love.

What I do want is a little spending money to put gas in my car to drive to a park, to walk among the trees and wild flowers or the fall leaves raining down around me, or go crunching through the packed snow on a walking trip for lunch. I want to have a little spending money to take my son for ice cream and sit in the car in the parking lot and talk about whatever he wants to talk about, even if it is to hear him say he wonders what deer poop looks like. I want to have a little money to pay a registration fee in a crazy obstacle course race to be with my daughter and have her push my butt over a wall I cannot get over without a little help. I want time to enjoy the hugs and see the smile of my 23-year-old son. I want to have time to come home in the early afternoon, while everyone is gone and my husband is sleeping “his night” after working third shift, and quietly sneak into bed with him and enjoy each other’s company for a while, without any stress of needing to do something or be someplace else. I want time with my sons, my daughter, my husband and my friends.

I want to have time for a friend in need and not have to say, “I’m sorry I cannot help, I have a report due.” Do I regret going to college in the hopes of earning my LTA certificate,  absolutely not. Had I not had the courage to go to college at the age of fifty, I would not have gotten my PART time position at the Library. I love the library. I love the books. I love holding the books in my hands. I love that I get to prepare the books for others to hold in their hands, to read, to escape to some other place when they may be feeling lonely or down or to educate and learn something new. If I had not taken these classes I would still be working only about four hours a week, most weeks, and would not have a little spending money in my pocket for working just a few hours more, doing something I love, that allows me to spend time with people I love, people I cherish. It gives me a little money in my pocket to enjoy a little dish of ice cream with my son.

Life, my goal is to be alive, not for me, but for my children, and for that I will fight for and do whatever is in my power to gain a rung up on the ladder of living. Please judge me not for what you see as my lack of motivation, my lack of career goals. I have them; they are just different objectives than most, for I have walked a journey that changed my path that changed my goal.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from JL The Turtle is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to JL The Turtle and The Accidental Thoughts of a Turtle with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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About jlturtlerunner

12 plus Years Surviving Stage IV Oral Cancer. I have become a "Turtle" runner since that diagnosis, as a way of saying, "Take That Sucker!" After 12 years of being a Turtle Runner, I'm adding a new title, Turtle Rucker!

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