Originally published at Blogger on November 20, 2010

All a bit tongue in cheek, if you can catch my sense of humor. If not you’ll think I’m the one with the Superiority complex.

#1 – If you have no intention of running the race only walking, please do not stand in front of me while waiting for the starter signal of gun, whistle, siren or someone yelling “GO”. It will be very difficult at my pace to now have to try to move to the left or right of you to get around you, while I try to avoid those who walk or run faster than me that I stood in front of.

#2 – If you plan to run as fast and as hard as you can, but will come to a dead stop and then just ever so casually walk along, cause it was harder than you thought, please do not stand in front of me for the starter signal of gun, whistle, siren or someone yelling “GO”. It will be very difficult at my pace to now have to try to move to the left or right of you to get around you, while I try to avoid those who walk or run faster than me that I stood in front of.

#3 – If by some miracle I am able to catch up to you and miraculously pass you, it would be of good form not to pass me after I have shouted for joy at having actually passed someone, only to have you pass me, after I passed you, I may cry.

#4 – If you and your 4 or 5 other gal pals think it would be fun to “be” in a 5K, please do not walk 5 abreast so that I have to expand all my energy to get around your wall of giggling, laughing, having the time of our lives, who cares about the runner behind us that has to now run 50 feet more to get around us (yes I have a very small stride, what about it?).

#5 – When you finish your race and you need to walk or jog for your cool down. Please do not make the side lines of the Course your area to cool down. I’ve still got 2 miles to run and it doesn’t sit well that your done and I’ve still got 20 minutes of running to get to the finish. Cool down off the course. (unless of course you came back to find me and run with me to cheer me to the finish – that’s all right.)

#6 – (This one’s for me) If as I approach the finish line and I still have some air in my lungs and the person in front of me is walking to the finish SUCK IT UP and run faster and pass them before the chute. That way I won’t have to listen to those on the sidelines giggling at my turtle pace. Not that I really care, cause I’m at least trying while they are just a spectator, but still I do have feelings.

#7 – If you have completed your race please do not look down your nose at me and my slowness as I try to approach the finish line only to have you walking the opposite way on the course, toward me, blocking my path, cause you just happen to have finished your race. GET OUT OF MY WAY and off the course! Your done, I”m not, and you are in my way! I’m trying to beat the old woman walking!

# 8 – When we’re all standing in line after the race for the refreshments, DO NOT CUT in line! You know there’s a line. Just because you are an elite athlete who finished 25 minutes before me does not give you the right to cut in front of me. By my calculations you should have been in the refreshment line 25 minutes ago. You see the line, go to the back!

#9 – If you did not pay to be in the race, you did not run the race, you did not walk the race – DO NOT take the refreshments. They are for those of us who did the race, not those who didn’t. I don’t care that you cheered your heart out for Sister Sally. Get out of the refreshment line! (you see I know who you are because you are not wearing a bib number. I’ve noticed the runners leave them on after the race. Maybe it’s because we’ve expended so much energy pumping our arms and we don’t have the energy to un-pin the Bib and hold it in our hands, (er maybe that’s just me), I think it’s a sense of pride as we all stand together waiting for the Results, proof we did it, till the results are posted with our names. Unless of course you were one of the volunteers who pointed me in the right direction. Have at those refreshments.

#10 – If you really don’t care to hear who won each division, go somewhere else to talk and laugh and giggle during the awards ceremony. All I can hear is you yaking about your 8 minute mile instead of the 60-year-old woman who came to the finish in 25 minutes, she would have been my hero, if I could have heard her name.

That’s it Queen Bee’s 10 rules. Maybe I should have a #11 – Chill, relax, it’s all good, I crossed the finish line, even through all my afore-mentioned trials and tribulations.

Post script – #12 rule that I can not believe I forgot – It’s way okay to wear your makeup, but Ladies (and men) PLEASE refrain from squirting the perfume all over your body before a race, so I can not start gagging on it 10 feet before I reach you and 10 more feet after I pass you! Smelling body odor at the 1st mile would have been so much better than that gagging over sprayed perfume smell. I’m sure it was expensive so save it for your after run, dinner celebration.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from JL The Turtle is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to JL The Turtle and The Accidental Thoughts of a Turtle with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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About jlturtlerunner

12 plus Years Surviving Stage IV Oral Cancer. I have become a "Turtle" runner since that diagnosis, as a way of saying, "Take That Sucker!" After 12 years of being a Turtle Runner, I'm adding a new title, Turtle Rucker!

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