Orginally posted at Blogger on May 24, 2010. I wrote this shortly after I had sat with my Uncle Lloyd shortly before his death in Dec. 1999. While I was not with him when he died, I sat a few days with him as he came to terms that he was going to die, telling my mother (his sister) some of his final wishes and I witnessed his Baptism as he prepared for his Eternal life. I sat watching him as he slept, watching him breathe and wondering how much longer. How was I to know that this would all play out for real when my Mother died in 2011, as I sat on the side of her bed watching her.

Watching and waiting, begging and wanting.

Hope fading into the sorrow.

The heartache of the death watch has entered my soul.

Grieving with knowing,

this may be your last thought,

your last word, your last breath.

Bringing myself to look at you.

Wanting to remember,

wishing to forget.

Time moving painfully, with grief, yet relief.

Feeling guilty,

wishing you would stay, wanting you to go.

Gasping for your breath.

Holding mine and waiting,

agonizing for another,

praying for another, wanting for no more.

Not ready to give you up.

Giving up watching you struggle.

One last breath, you slip away.

You have peace,

I have agony overwhelming,

The battle has ended, whether I wanted it or not.

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About jlturtlerunner

12 plus Years Surviving Stage IV Oral Cancer. I have become a "Turtle" runner since that diagnosis, as a way of saying, "Take That Sucker!" After 12 years of being a Turtle Runner, I'm adding a new title, Turtle Rucker!

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